Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
(Php 4:4-7)
On June 13, 2005 I woke up in the night and could not go back to sleep. I had a definite sense that I was to get up and sit before the Lord with my Bible, paper and pen and to listen for what He desired to say. I sat there for quite some time and only heard “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!” I pondered this for a while and then went back to bed and slept the rest of the night. The next night the same thing happened again. I got up ready to listen and write and immediately heard “Why do you worry? Who can add a second to his life through worry? I will be with you till the end of the age, never will I leave you, and never will I forsake you. I am the Way, the Truth and the Life, no one comes to the Father except through me. This is the way walk in it. I am the Lord who heals you of any disease. Be still and know that I am God. I work all things for good for those who love me and are called according to my purposes. Meet with me daily and eat of me. Come and eat of the richest of food that your soul my live.” Like the previous night I pondered the words for a while and then went back to bed. The next day as I realized how important the words were that Jesus had spoken to me the night before, therefore, I typed up the words on a card, laminated the card and placed it in my Bible. Little did I know at that time that my first wife would die of metastatic breast cancer within seven months and that my oldest son would die in a gun accident less than three years after his mother had died.
Some of the most precious experiences that I have had with God my Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit occurred after great loss and trauma. The words that Jesus spoke to me have been my refuge during and after those times. Jesus was faithful to demonstrate everything He spoke to me that night in 2005. There were promises in what He spoke but also things for me to believe and obey by faith. I never thought of myself as being anxious or worrying but I knew Jesus had a reason to ask me “Why do you worry?” He never asks a question that He does not know the answer to. His purpose was for me to see how I was anxious in ways in did not see.
After my son was killed I began to have an occasional knot in my stomach but I was not sure why it was there. When it would happen I would begin to pray and worship either silently or out loud. The knot would go away fairly quickly but at that point I was not making a connection between anxiety and the knot. This pattern continued for several years but the knot would be present more often and with greater intensity. Eventually I went through a very serious battle with fear and anxiety that rendered me to the point of barely being able to function for about two weeks. There were a few times when I would wake up at night and the fear was so tangible that all I could do was pray out load and verbally speak the truth of scriptures to rebuke the fear. It took the help of a spirit filled counselor and the prayers of others believers to pull me through those days. During those counseling sessions several memories from my teens and early adulthood surfaced that Jesus lovingly dealt with but we never go to the root of the persistent knot in my stomach.
One of most annoying things about the knot in my stomach is that it keeps me from being able to hear Jesus as easily as I did before it started being present. About a year ago Jesus showed my something that really helped me deal with this struggle but it still is a struggle and I have to be obedient to do the things he told me to do. I want to share what he showed me in the hopes that it may help others.
I went to Berlin, Germany in the summer of 2016 to help with a large effort that our church sponsored to reach out to the Syrian refugees all over Europe. On about the second day we were there I realized that our hotel was in what was formerly East Berlin in East Germany. This had a large impact on me and I tried to learn as much as I could about Berlin with respect to the time when it was divided before the fall of communism. As part of that effort we took a guided bus tour of Berlin. The tour included seeing where Checkpoint Charlie was located and where the Berlin Wall was once located.
There were actually once two walls that ran parallel to each other and the zone in between was patrolled by armed East German soldiers who would shoot anyone who went over the wall and tried to escape from East Berlin into the US sector of the divided city. Even though the wall was torn down after the fall of communism, they wisely left a small section of the wall intact as a memorial and to help people understand how communism held people captive behind the wall for many years. The section of wall left as a memorial was about fifty yards long and we along with other people walked up to it and tried to image what a formidable object to freedom it once was. Later Jesus brought this image to my mind and I realized that if a person stood with their nose against the wall, then all they could see was the remnant of the wall and never realize that it was only a remnant! All a person had to do was back away to see the larger picture and see that nothing, but unbelief that the majority of wall had been torn down, could keep them from walking around the end of the wall to cross to the other side!
I still do not know what the root of the knot is and it still annoys me. I think it may be something like the thorn in the side of the apostle Paul. I have prayed many times, seen several good counselors and been prayed over many times but the knot still exists. However, when it does happen I begin to think about what Jesus showed my about the remnant of the once formidable Berlin Wall and begin to see the knot in the same manner. It is only a remnant of what was once a formidable object that Satan tried to use to destroy my faith and me.
“Abba Father, I pray that when anyone, who reads this ever becomes anxious and worries, that you will show them that you are near and will never leave them or forsake them. May they turn from every form of anxiety and worry in any situation, to prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, and present their requests to You. And may the peace of God, which transcends all understanding guard their hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Jesus, thank You for giving us Your peace!”
Blessings,
Kevin